Empathy - The land of the Lost

It happened again yesterday. I wish I would stop seeing this attribute in people. Maybe, I recognize it because of my experience of almost dying in the hospital last year? Maybe I see it because people have less energy to expend towards human need, struggling so hard to care for their own?  Maybe the universe is just bringing me the chance to make a difference, provide some insight to others at the hospital?  Whatever the case, it's a dilemma.

The scenario starts the same way each time. I arrive to see the patient. I ask if it's ok that I can see the patient, I get the standard reply lately, 

    "Sure, go ahead, he/she won't participate with you. They refuse to do anything. They are lazy. They want to be babied and I don't have the patience."

Who knows why things happen in our lives. I wish I knew. Why do the stars line up a certain way and cause things to happen out of our control? Whatever the reason, I caught a very rare disease last year, probably in the hospital. Strange......the place I would rather be any minute of the day, the place I love the most, the place I feel most happy....almost killed me. Nevertheless, it has provided insight to being an actual patient and provided me a thread of caring in me that I had never known before. I had been caring before. But now I have a sense of empathy that I never had before.

When I am told of a difficult personality to deal with, I immediately feel compassion. Where I used to suit-up with armor, emotionally, to get ready to deal with with "difficult" person, I now, take off any layer of hardness or shell to allow them to open up to me, or at least accept me them near them. I sit down near them. I remind myself that I am there for them, 100%, completely and honestly.

Kind of like when you truly want a stray kitten or puppy to walk towards you, you emotionally try to  "will"  the scared kitten to trust. 

It takes me a few minutes longer, sometimes a good 30 minutes to develop a rapport, but eventually, very slowly, I gain their trust and I feel they are relieved. They participate. They are gracious.  And I get the same response each time, "Well,  they must be Bi-polar, or have personality disorder because they were so nice to you. I bet they are a total pain  when I have to deal with them".

Why do people who refuse to develop empathy skills go into healthcare? Why don't they go work with plants?

It would be impossible to tell anybody to go and "learn some empathy skills", like telling somebody to go learn to cook. But there must be a way. I guess it just comes down to recognizing and truly acknowledging the traumas of your past.

Sometimes I feel that my patients somehow realize that I am trying to empower them not make them dependant. I am merely trying to be a gentle catalyst to them helping themselves. I think with gentle motivation and encouragement most people welcome the idea that somebody believes in them.